Marriage, Dowry, and Dissonance: A Mirror to Modern Society

By Kajal Bhukan
Pune, 27th May 2025: In Indian tradition, marriage is revered as a sacred bond. For many families, it signifies a key milestone—when a son is seen as fulfilling his responsibilities by marrying, settling down, and continuing the family legacy. But for women, marriage often comes with a crushing weight of expectations: to adapt to a new household, conform to social norms, manage domestic chores, and raise children—all while striving to embody the ideal wife and daughter-in-law.

A Shift in Expectations
As women today pursue careers and financial independence, these one-sided expectations are being increasingly questioned. Yet, traditional pressures persist. Domestic responsibilities remain largely assigned to women, while boys are seldom raised to share the load.

This outdated mindset must evolve. Marriage should not be a sacrifice borne by one partner, but a balanced partnership built on mutual respect. True equality lies not just in shared earnings but in shared responsibilities—emotional, mental, and practical. Just because a woman can do it all doesn’t mean she should be expected to.

The Case That Shocked Maharashtra
The tragic death of Vaishnavi Hagawane brought the issue of dowry harassment into sharp focus. The 23-year-old daughter-in-law of suspended NCP leader Rajendra Hagawane allegedly died by suicide in Pune after facing relentless dowry demands.

Her father, Anil Kaspate, alleged that Vaishnavi’s in-laws had already taken 51 tolas of gold, a Fortuner SUV, silver utensils, and other valuables—and then demanded an additional ₹2 crore. Vaishnavi’s husband, Shashank, along with his mother and sister, was taken into custody. Her father-in-law and brother-in-law, who had initially absconded, were arrested in rural Pune after an eight-day search.

The case drew widespread political attention, with Maharashtra Deputy Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis and several NCP leaders demanding swift action. The family’s ordeal was further compounded by a custody battle for Vaishnavi’s 10-month-old son, who had reportedly been kept by a friend of Shashank’s. The man allegedly threatened family members with a firearm. The child was ultimately reunited with his maternal grandparents, thanks to timely intervention by local officials and party workers.

Young Voices, New Perspectives
Not all young Indians accept tradition without question. Dinesh Thakur, a recently married software engineer, reflects on the pressures. “I got married because it was the next step—my parents wanted it, and I agreed. But society still clings to outdated notions. People call it ‘gifting,’ but dowry by any name is wrong. If gifts are exchanged, they should be equal on both sides.”

His wife, Shivani Thakur, a civil engineer, is equally clear-eyed. “I married by choice. I observe what happens around me and make decisions accordingly,” she says. On dowry, she is unequivocal: “It’s wrong. Always.”

On Vaishnavi’s case, Shivani adds, “What happened was horrific. But the fact that her parents fulfilled those demands shows how far we still are from aligning our values with our actions.”

Time to Close the Gap
The dissonance between what we believe and what we continue to practice is where the real challenge lies. Legal frameworks, while necessary, are not enough. What’s urgently needed is a cultural shift.

A truly equal marriage must be rooted in mutual respect, shared responsibility, and everyday compassion—not pressure, inequality, or outdated customs dressed as tradition.

As India strides into modernity, the question isn’t whether women can balance work and home—it’s whether society is willing to do its part.

(Kajal Bhukan is a journalism and mass communication student and currently doing internship with Punekar News.)